Her Mother's Vase

Tammy is 45, her brother, Mark is 47. They lived in Hialeah, Florida when they were little. Their grandparents lived not far from them. Tammy was 4 when her mother, an only child, died of a brain tumor. Their dad remarried and moved them to central Florida. They continued to visit their grandparents from time to time. Then their dad died of cancer when Tammy was 12. They lived with their step-mother and step-siblings until they were grown. They are still close and keep in touch with them.

Their grandparents, Grace and Esco, retired in 1980 and moved to family land in Alabama. Tammy married and had two sons then divorced. She has lived in Arizona, Florida and in Europe. She later married a man who was a police officer. This man drank and beat her, then stalked her. He had promised to kill her if he sees her again. She lived in hiding for two years and believes he has gone back to Australia. One of her sons is in the Navy and plans on making it a career. She has found a man who loves her, makes her happy and does not abuse her. They live near Jacksonville, Florida.

Mark went to college and has been an event security coordinator since college. He now owns his own windowing tinting business and is very successful. Mark has too much pride to ask for any one's help. Even when we offered, he had a very hard time accepting our help. He has a son, a daughter and another daughter due in June. Mark lives in Sebring, Florida, but has traveled all over the country on business.

Mark and Tammy, both have always been very independent and head strong. Their Papaw Esco was old school disciplinarian and very strict. Papaw had a problem with every man Tammy dated or married it seemed. When Tammy did not take his advice, he basically did not want anything to do with her. Mark, on the other hand was very close to him. He had a lot in common and learned things from him. I believe some of this came from what Esco believed was male and female roles: men should do this and women should do that.

Their Mamaw Grace was a beautiful woman even as she aged. She did not always agree with her husband but respected his wishes. I do not know when she was diagnosed with cancer but supposedly it was not of the type that could be surgically removed. She did not want chemo or radiation.

My mom would keep a check on them. He had skin cancer removed from his face and mom would change his bandages and doctor them. After a couple of weeks of telling them Grace needed to go to the doctor about the swelling in her legs and feet, they finally agreed. Grace was sent to the hospital for a week where they could do nothing for her. She was dying. She spent two weeks in a nursing home before she succumbed to the cancer. That was January 29th.

Mark and Tammy came for the funeral which was January 31st, a Saturday. They spent time with their Papaw and planned to come back in a month or so. My mom took him dinner several times and continued to change his bandage. His sister spoke to him everyday. A neighbor family visited a couple of times. Tammy called him several times.

On Monday, February 9th, his sister took him to the bank and he cashed in some CDs. He set up his checking account to automatically pay his utilities and other bills. Cathy, a neighbor came over on Wednesday and he cut her grape vines to start her some plants. She invited him to come for dinner in the next few days. Mom went over around 5 pm, changed his bandages, and gave him soup and cornbread. He asked her if they could go out to eat this weekend.

On Thursday, mom did not call him. His sister called all day and there was no answer. Tammy called and got no answer. Around 7:30 pm, his sister called mom and told her Esco did not answer all day and would she mind checking on him. Mom did, no answer knocking on the doors or his bedroom window. As she got in the car, her lights shown on what looked like him in a chair beside his garage. She went there, touched his hand and knew he had died.

She called my brother and 911. My brother saw a shotgun on the ground, picked it up and stood it against the wall. Then he discovered the blood on the front of his shirt. My brother thought Esco had been sitting there shooting the crows (they eat his seed, pecans and garden) and the gun went off, accidentally killing him. It did not; he had placed a nail in the side of a board to put in the trigger guard, push and shoot himself. He even braced the butt of the gun on the ground and leaned over it.

Mark and Tammy must make the nine to eleven hour drive back to Alabama for the second time in two weeks to bury their grandfather. Mark and his wife, Erin, arrived at 11:00 pm Friday night and Tammy and her finance, Joe, at 12:00 pm.

All the funeral arrangements were taken care of by Jewel, Esco’s sister. The funeral was at 2:00 pm on Saturday, the same time, place and people as two weeks prior.

Family gathered at Esco’s house afterward for a time with Mark and Tammy. Some took photographs they wanted from their house; after making sure neither grandchild wanted them. Cousins, who had not seen each other in 20 years, walked the property reminiscing old memories.

On Sunday, Mark would not ask anyone to help start cleaning out, throwing away and packing up their grandparents things. Tammy did ask four cousins, who lived next door, to come help. She was supposed to leave Sunday evening to go back to Florida. Mark was leaving Monday morning. There were eight now to do the work.

A couple, Ronald and Cathy, arrived. Cathy grew up living a mile up the road and knew all them. They and their teenage daughter had started visiting Esco and Grace recently. So much in fact, Esco and Grace told the daughter she could have her china and a milk glass vase. This is what they had come to get!

Tammy informed Cathy, the china was being packed and Mark was taking it for his daughter. Cathy mentioned a quilt, Grace was going to give her. Tammy again told her she and Mark had divided them and they were packed. Then she wanted the milk glass vase. Tammy told her that belonged to her mother, Shirley and it was already packed in her car. Cathy kept on telling her Grace wanted her daughter to have it. Tammy, with tears in her eyes, again told her it was HER mother’s vase and she wanted. Now, Cathy began crying and Tammy went to her car and gave her the vase! Cathy took the vase to her car and went walking around the property with her husband and a cousin. They were looking for grape vine cuttings, Esco had cut for her on Wednesday. Cathy was fine after this; they walked around for awhile and finally left.

Tammy however cannot get over her actually taking the vase after she explained it was not Esco or Grace’s vase but her mother’s. Neither can any of the others. There are not much of her mother’s things left except pictures for Tammy or Mark and their children to remember her. There were other items of Grace’s and Esco’s that the grandchildren did not want that Ronald, Cathy and their daughter could have.

Cathy grew up very popular in this community. She is a teacher at the local school and very prominent in the largest church. Most everyone knows her or her family. She is considered a very “good” person.

How can a “good” Christian woman take something that belonged to someone’s dead mother? Do you think this was right? Could you have done this? Is their another perspective being missed?